Chemo, Shemo.....

Well....Today is the day that we have been anticipating with much nausea...Dad's first Chemotherapy infusion.  He went in early this morning and we waited by our phones for any texts or calls that would keep us updated.  This pic was sent to us at about noon.  As you can see he is in a comfy pleather chair with some uplifting reading material and a cute, happy nurse named JaNae.  (Good sign, don't ya think?)  As you can see nurse JaNae is draped in a blue smock and purple gloves.  (They wear those whenever they handle the chemotherapy drugs, and chemotherapy patients dry heave whenever they see those cute nurses.)

Dad does not have a port, but receives his infusions of Gemzar from a vein in his arm.  They found a good strong vein in his lower arm which made us all happy.  He did have a little burning and stinging at the infusion site, so they turned the pump down to make him more comfortable.  Next time they will administer the Gemzar with saline, which will help.

MSTI also serves lunch to the patients getting their infusions over the lunch hour.  We laugh that the lunch is "complimentary."  Complimentary as in, after you have and pay for your infusion, there is no more money to pay for lunch!  :) Dad enjoyed an egg salad sandwich, Fritos and and iced diet Dr. Pepper.  One of his amazing patients, who is also a nurse there brought him a big strawberry frozen yogurt!  We are happy he is being pampered.

He was pleased and (anxious) to go home around one.  His arm and shoulder were aching from the infusion, but did great!  We love and are proud of him!  He is a fighter!

Still Hanging in There

Gary has just finished his 4th week of oral chemo and radiation.  He has tolerated it well and is still trying to get 2 miles of walking in every morning.  JaNae and kids were here last week and she was able to convince him that he didn't need to be the "tough guy" with the nausea...take the Zofran!  His appetite has diminished some and most foods are not appetizing to him.  Our garden supplying us with great vegetables has been so helpful.  Besides the nausea his main complaint is that of fatigue.  Still working full days at the office with a much lighter schedule of patients.
We met with our Chemo Oncologist this last week.  She casually mentioned that Gary would also be receiving an additional 4 months of infusion Gemcitabine or Gemzar for short.  They will give him 4 weeks off, then he will receive a once a week infusion lasting about 1 to 1 1/2 hours for 3 weeks and then one week off.  This rotation will then be repeated for 3 additional months.  This was the first we had heard of this but apparently this is what oncologists do.  Let you get through one phase and then casually spring you into another.  Gary did mention to JaNae last week that he was concerned that they weren't treating him as aggressively as they had treated her cancer.  Dr. Symington explained that this chemo drug possibly reaches other cancer cells not covered in the chemo radiation spectrum he is currently receiving.
Again, "thank you" for all you love and prayers.  We have felt so wonderfully overwhelmed by all your expressions of concern!

Chemo Therapy & Radiation

The time for chemo and radiation has arrived.  Gary's big surgery was six weeks ago and his recovery has gone well.  He lost about 22 pounds from all his procedures and surgeries so buying smaller pants was a must.  His appetite is slowly returning but eating smaller portions has become his norm.  Returning back to work last week, with a much lighter schedule, has lifted his spirits.  I appreciate Jared and the office girls keeping a close watch on him.
Today was his first combined radiation and chemo therapy.  The oral chemo, Xeloda, is taken morning and night.  The radiation takes about 15 minutes at the MSTI Center here at the new St. Luke's Hospital in Twin. These treatments are Monday through Friday each week for six weeks.  We were told last week that he would probably loose one of his kidneys due to the radiation but were told today the final plan eliminated that risk.  Fatigue and nausea will be the main side effects of this treatment.  Gary experienced some nausea this afternoon but the prescribed medication of Zofran seems to be doing its job.
We have been so blessed with great medical care and feel very optimistic about the future.  We are so grateful for you continued prayers and expressions of concern on our behalf.  Love to all of you!

"Looking Up!"

After meeting with the Chemo Oncologist this afternoon we are looking up to the many "tender mercies" we have thus been granted.  Dr. Symington is recommending the oral chemo, Xeloda, in combination with the 6 weeks of radiation.  The approval from the insurance company will allow Gary to forgo the port and the infusion of 5-FU.  We will meet with Dr. Sawyer, the Radiologist, this Thursday to finalize the treatment procedure. Treatments will start either July 15 or 22.  The radiation treatments will be Monday through Friday each week.  We also have an appointment in August with the Genetic Counselor to determine if further testing should be done for all our immediate family members.
We are so excited for this news.  Since we were expecting 6-9 months of treatments, just 6 weeks is sweet music to our ears.  The Doctor told us that he would not lose his hair and could possibly work part-time.  We both really liked Dr. Symington.  She was really fun to talk to and very upfront with information for us.  I think we both walked out of the St. Luke's MSTI wanting to skip and dance to the car.
Gary is feeling like life is truly "looking up!"
Again, "thank you" for all your prayers and positive thoughts.  Our hearts are full and our spirits lifted with all the things said and done in our behalf.  Our loving Heavenly Father has truly blessed us.

Three weeks out...tomorrow.

OK, OK, I finally feel guilty enough to write another blog.
I was able to finally bring Gary home Wednesday, June 19.  We were both so glad to be back in Twin.  Gary  has continued to improve daily with both his appetite and energy.  He has enjoyed his recliner, his electric blanket (donated to the cause by JaNae), his journal, and reading his scriptures daily in both German and English with his new IPad.  He is not allowed to drive until four weeks out of surgery so he has endured me as his chaufer with grace.  His surgeon told him he could take short walks and I still have to remind him what "short" really means.  It was wonderful having him attend church with me this morning...he loved it.
We met again this last Friday with his surgeon and he was pleased with his progress.  We will meet with the Oncologist here at St. Luke's, July 8.  Dr. Traverso told us that the Oncology Board there in Boise discussed his case last Tuesday and have recommended both Chemo and Radiation. Even though the cancer was considered contained and did not involve the lymph nodes, the nature of the "invasive cancer" stills requires aggressive therapy.  Dr. Traverso also discussed the probability of having a Chemo port placed in his chest. This therapy will probably start sometime in late July.  Having already gone through this with JaNae this last year gives us both chest tightening anxiety and peaceful assurance that we will make it through.  JaNae has truly been our little hero as she and her little family have been such an example of faith and perserverance.  She has been such a comfort to her Dad these last few weeks.
Gary and I have both been so overwhelmed by all the prayer, fasting and concern offered by all of you.
We both have expressed feelings of, "How can we possible thank everyone for all they have done for us?"  We are deeply grateful and endebted to all of you!  "Thank you, thank you!"

Day 8 - Post Op

Gary has finally been released from the hospital and so happy to have this part of his journey over.

We are here with Jeff & JaNae and loving their little family.  

We figure Chemo will begin some time in August.

As to his request while he has been down, I have been keeping up his journal.  This morning when I walked into his room this is what I saw. His comment, "I'm back and you have been released."  

So good to see him wanting to write again!

So thrilled to see all of you soon.

Again, thank you for your continued prayers.  

We All Came to See Grandpa

Our Walker family reunion was originally scheduled for this last weekend.  Work had been scheduled off and plane tickets had been purchased.   However, cancer didn't have the manners to think about Dad's vacation.  Cancer is really rude and inconsiderate that way.

Even though he was in the hospital, Dad insisted that we all get together anyway.  So the entire Walker family headed to Boise and took turns visiting Dad in the hospital.   

Here we all are in no particular order...except by birth.

Jared and Cara

JaNae and Jeff

Jill and Steve

Jon and Caprice...but without Jon and Caprice.

We only had pictures of their cute boys!

No joke, their boys are REALLY cute!

Jolyn and Dan

While Dad recovered and slowly started keeping down liquids, we swam, played at the park, and ate more junk food than we should have.  We missed you Mom and Dad.  Next year in Oregon with you FOR SURE!

Day 7 - Post Op

Great News!!!
Gary is doing so well.  Dr. Traverso will release him from the hospital on Tuesday.  He is required to stay here in Boise until Thursday.  Jeff & JaNae have graciously & lovingly offered to let us stay with them.  They are even giving up their room on the main floor so Gary won't have to climb stairs.  Thy are wonderful to us.
Gary is enjoying low fat select real food.  He is a happy man...ordering sourdough toast right now.  We realize we still have quite the journey ahead of us, but are living proof of a loving Heavenly Father and answered prayers.  We  love and appreciate all of you, your prayers and concerns.
Gary says, "Life is Good!"

INTRODUCING...."RK"

as in RoadKill.  

Destined to be the family favorite.....and guaranteed to cause a few fights with the Grandkids.  

Dad is just grateful that he smells better than the one below!   

 We love our Dad and Grandpa!  

Day 6 - Post Op

"Happy Father's Day!"
Gary is doing so well.  Dr. Burton, the surgeon's partner, was in this morning to see Gary.  He told Gary, "You are well ahead of the curve."  They allowed Gary this morning to start low fat full liquids, which is basically broth, pudding, yogurt, cream of rice & skim milk.  It was last Sunday noon that Gary last ate anything.  He has just eaten a few bites here & there and then is done.  Gary's epidural was removed yesterday and he continues to do well with the oral narcotics.  His incision is about 7" long and has 23 staples.  It runs vertical from the sternum to the belly button.
When Jeff, JaNae & kids came up to visit this afternoon, we all got to walk with him twice around the loop.  We all noticed how thin Gary's legs are looking,  We hope he doesn't loose too much more weight.  The Johnsons brought him a "get well helium balloon" tied around one of the arms of a little stuffed raccoon.  Gary & the kids named the raccoon "RK" for road kill.  Our family has laughed over a U-tube picture of a dead raccoon on the side of the road with his little paw held up in the air with a "get well balloon."  Sorry...just Walker humor.
Jon, Caprice & boys were also up to visit this morning before driving back to Washington.  We love to see those cute little boys.  Dan & Jolyn are also on their way back to Missouri today.  It has been so comforting to have all our children here in town.
We continue to feel so uplifted by everyone's love and prayers.  We are grateful for all of you.

pictures of dad from this past week

Mom has done a great job keeping us siblings updated on Dad's progress and recovery.  I think it's a full time job for her just answering the phone and texting all of us.

By the end of Dad's stay, she might even need a secretary!

Here are a few pictures she texted us during this past week to let us know how dad was doing.

 This was taken when Dad was still in the ICU and had just started taking short walks.

 Dad's neighbor Blake after seeing this picture declared that Dad was doing a fine job perfecting his nursing home hair.

We got a good laugh about that one...and maybe a few chest clutches.  

(Gary Walker and nursing homes do not belong in the same sentence.)

Still in the ICU but without the nursing home hair.

(This picture may or may not have sent my sister Jolyn and I into a crying fit.  Seeing Super Man in the hospital is not easy.)

This was taken yesterday.

Two thumbs up!

Dad is looking more like himself.  All he needs is some hiking boots, a hat, and a mountain and he is good to go...almost!

Love you Dad!

Wish we could wish you Happy Fathers Day in person!

Love you too Mom!

Thanks for keeping us all updated.  

Day 4 - Post Op

Friday, June 14
Gary has done very well today.  They started him on clear liquids and he doing great with that.  He definitely prefers the ice chips and popsicles.  He is only allowed to drink 60 ml per hour.  He did need  a little zofran for nausea this evening.  He felt like shaving this morning and I even washed his hair with one of those fancy put on your head shower caps.  Pretty ingenious.
Dr.  Traverso said to me in the hall, "Gary is the perfect Whipple patient.  I can't tell you how well he is doing."  He mentioned that if he continues to improve as he has he may release him from the hospital on Monday.  We would need to stay in Boise for 1-2 days to make sure he does ok.  We'll take that.
Jim & Juline came up to visit.  It was so good to see them.   Gary & I recommended Winger's  sticky finger salad in Mt. Home on their way home.   Ilene was also here and seemed so relieved to see Gary looking so well.  She was here in Boise at a Vision Source meeting for the office.
The kids all met at JaNae's this morning.  They are taking family pictures and JaNae will be serving a gluten free lunch.  We are so thrilled to have all our kids together.  Wish we could be with them, but so happy they are having a fun time.  This week was supposed to be our family reunion in Oregon.  Plans change and everyone adjusts.  That is just a fact of life.
Again, we are so grateful for wonderful friends and families.  Your prayers have been felt and answered.  Thank you, thank you for all your love and concern.

Day 3 - Post Op

This is Ardith and my first time at blogging.  Nothing fancy or cute, so here goes.
Gary has finally been moved to the 6th floor.  Dr. Traverso was in early this morning with great news from the pathologist.  The Tumor was 1.2 centimeters with no involvement in the lymph nodes.  The tumor also involved the duodenum or where the duct drains into the small intestine.  That indicates that the tumor was localized.  The Dr. recommended chemo and radiation, but the final decision will be left to the Oncologist in Twin.  We are so relieved.  Prayers are truly answered
Tomorrow they will start him on some clear liquids,  He hasn't had anything by mouth since Sunday lunch.  So far today, he has been up walking 5 times.  This morning he walked past a room where a patient was eating scrambled eggs and had to restrain himself from strangling the poor guy.  Considering it was hospital scrambled eggs...I think he is getting pretty hungry.  The kids are all here in town having a grand time playing.  It has been so wonderful having all our children come and visit.  It has been so good for their Dad's spirits.  Jared and his family came and took me to Red Robin to eat dinner with all 19 grandchildren and 10 adults.  It was so fun and relatively calm.  When I got back Gary told me he really missed me and I smelled delicious.
Again, we want to thank everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts.  We have truly been blessed by such wonderful friends and family.  We love you all!

The 48 Hour Update!

Dad has done well in the 48 hours following surgery.  

We cannot fathom how fast time has gone, but yet it has dragged on at times.   We are being sure to take care of Mom as I know that it is exhausting for her.  The Dr. has asked her a few times about what she is doing to take care of herself.  We hope that she is getting enough sleep.  We are supplying her with some non- hospital food, which we hope helps! :)

Day 1:  (exciting stuff!)

Mom met him at about 7 in the morning from her guest suite in the hospital.  She came early and was able to talk to the Surgeon and have some questions answered.  Dr mentioned that Dad is doing well and wanted him to try to sit up and then walk a few steps to the chair across the room.  An hour later with the help of my Mom, Dad followed the Dr's orders.  Dad made it to the chair and then started feeling really light headed.  Mom described that his eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp and passed out.  He started sweating profusely and was not doing well.  His heart rate dropped to about 40.  After a few minutes he came to.  Mom was really shaken up and scared.  The Drs (Surgeon and Anesthesiologist) came in and ordered an EKG and an Echo cardiogram as well as some other tests to determine how well his Epidural was working......They all came back with normal results and they feel like Dad had some kind of Vasovagal response.  After a few hours and more rest he was able to try moving to the chair with some success!  He has such a positive attitude and wants to be strong and fight to feel better!  They were able to remove his NG tube and get him off his oxygen.  It felt freeing to have all of those tubes off of his face.  

I was able to go visit with my 3 youngest children and Mom's sister Charlotte and her husband Lew came by as well.  We think he looks great!  

Day 2:

Dad slept well last night and again looked well this morning.  We were anxious to get the results of the pathology report, although we may have to wait until tomorrow.  The Surgeon mentioned that they will take as much time as they need and he feels comfortable not rushing them.  We want the results to be correct!  

Dad's epidural is still working and pain has not been an issue, although he keeps requesting Benadryl for itching.   He is a maniac at his little breathing machine, and is working hard at keeping his lungs strong. I am impressed!  (I hated that thing when I was in the hospital a year ago.)  We are also pleased as the Dr. was thinking of removing his JP drain tonight.  The drain was placed right where the reconnection site is....Dr. Traverso was positive and happy that the site looked great and was not leaking.  (A huge blessing as with the Whipple procedure, leakage and complications have a high rate!) We feel blessed that things have gone so well.  Mom sent us some pictures of him walking around the unit.  Dr wanted him to do 1 lap....he did 2!  He also felt good enough to brush his teeth and to have his hair combed, and is waiting to be transferred to a different floor and away from ICU!  

He is a trooper and has become a favorite of nurses in the ICU.  When he is not sleeping the nurses gather around to hear hiking stories and to pick his brain on the good places to go.  Mom and I cannot believe how well he can remember names of trail heads and lakes, let alone how long some of the hikes take!  I am sure he will be missed by a few when he is moved! :)

My brother Jonathan and his family arrived today from Washington for a visit.  I am sure it will boost his spirits to see them and their adorable little boys!

Addendum as of 8:00 tonight:
Dad will stay in the ICU tonight again, because there is not an available room for him on the medical floor.  So....he will continue to be neighbors with a few patients that we have lovingly labeled as Jailbait, Crazy and Flasher.
(My least favorite is Flasher....My eyes will never be the same!) 

Surgery Complete!

As of 2:00 this afternoon, Dad's surgery was complete!  

Mom and I were taken to a room, where the surgeon met us and gave us an update on the procedure and on Dad's condition.  For me, it was the hardest waiting time of the day, although I do not think it was for Mom.  Dr. Traverso came in and mentioned that it was a picture perfect surgery, and that Dad was a perfect patient.  He mentioned that things went so well, he wouldn't mind doing it again. Of course we exclaimed that is NOT how we felt.  We were so relieved that  it had gone so smoothly, and were so thankful for all the prayers that were offered in Dads behalf.  How blessed we feel by the support that surrounds us!  Thank You....Thank You....Thank You!!!  

The surgery lasted only about 5 hours, and Dr. Traverso felt like things looked contained and that the cancer was localized, although we have to wait until Wednesday this week to have the final diagnosis in staging the Cancer.  He mentioned that the tumor was only about as large as his pinky fingernail even though it was small, it was located in "Grand Central Station. "  We hope and pray that it was contained.

After about another hour or so, we were able to go up and see him in the ICU.  He looked great.  His coloring was good and his face was not swollen.  Mom felt like he looked so much better than he did after the last few procedures, especially the one where the external port was placed!  

He was drowsy with heavy eyes but was able to listen to us, and know that everything looked good and that he was doing well.  He is on oxygen, has an abdominal drain and a JP drain. His thoracic epidural will give him pain relief for about 3 days. He unfortunately did not have any crazy dreams to report of, but did mention that his epidural was refreshing! We laughed and were happy to know that he was not in a lot of pain.   We hope it continues to be that way! 

Thank you again for your kind thoughts, well wishes and prayers.  I discussed with Jill the happenings of the day and how blessed our family feels.  Our day of course involved some anxious moments, but for the majority of the time was calm and peaceful. We know that we were lifted up and comforted by our Heavenly Father.  He hears our prayers and is aware of our concerns and heart ache, as well as our happiness.  I know that our family is being watched over and protected.  We are so appreciative of all of your love and support!  Have an enjoyable night.....Love to you all!

The latest update... as of 12 noon!

We are still sitting here and doing well.  We have eaten lunch and had a chocolate and caffeine fix.  Grandma Walker, Dads mom would be proud!  :) We have talked to the nurse 2 times, both with updates and good news.  Dad is doing well.  They figure that his procedure will last another 2 hours.  They got a late start with the surgery because the anesthesiologist had a hard time with the epidural.  We are hoping that it will continue to work well so that he will not feel pain and be comfortable for the next few days.  The nurse also mentioned that the Dr. was able to send in samples of the pancreas to the lab. Dr. Traverso will have a preliminary diagnosis before he closes the surgery.  He will share that information with us when we talk to him after the surgery.  Continue the happy thoughts and send the good vibes this way!

We took a little walk, it is a beautiful day here at St Lukes Boise.....and look who we found!  

Our favorite Chemotherapy Patient. (present company excluded)

She isn't trying to be incognito, she just has another bad headache.  Poor Girl. We have connections in crazy places.  We even scored a cold soda from our friends at MSTI.  They are the best and so is Char!  

Love her and are cheering her on!

We're Back...

Dad has finally been taken back to surgery.  He will be having a pyloric preserving Whipple procedure.  We expect it to be about 7 hours long.  That is a lot of dream hiking for Dad.  The surgeon, Dr. Traverso, loved talking with Dad about hiking on King Hill.  He is an amazing surgeon and we feel so blessed that he will be doing the procedure.  He is humble and wont brag, but we hear that he is one of the top surgeons for this procedure in the nation.  Dr. Hise, the Anesthesiologist  shares his birthday with him.  We consider it a great omen.  He was given a thoracic epidural.  They shooed Mom and I out of the room and would not let us watch.  (Which was probably a good thing, I would be embarrassed seeing how tough he is....some of his daughters scream like little girls!)  He was wheeled back for surgery at about 7:59.  Mom and I are here waiting for the first hourly update from the nurse.  

and you thought chuck norris was tough

I found this on my parents' message board yesterday.

I think it accurately portrays how each of my dad's 19 grandchildren feel about him.

Goodbye Bile Bag, Hello Nose Hairs!

My parents are in Twin again tonight after another procedure in Boise earlier today.  Doctors removed Dad's external port this morning after reopening the clogged bile duct and inserting a stent to keep it open.  The duct is now draining into the small intestine like it should be.  This procedure reduces the risk of infection and makes it so poor Dad doesn't have to carry around a bag of draining bile everywhere he goes.  Mom has so lovingly been flushing that beauty for the last few days, and I'm sure they are BOTH glad to be rid of it.   I talked to Dad less than an hour ago and he is pretty sore.  I think he's getting just a taste of what he is in for with the Whipple procedure.  Ok, maybe not just a taste...a lick...a whiff?   I shutter to think how he is going to feel after the big surgery.

Speaking of that surgery, Dad and Mom talked to the surgeon today, and after an additional ct scan and blood tests in Boise this next week, Dad will hopefully be scheduled for the Whipple the following week.   I think he is grateful to get things going, but I feel we are all anxious about the entire ordeal.

But prayers help with the anxiety. 

Earlier tonight I went with our Stake's youth on a short walk from Costco to the Twin Falls temple.  It was a combined Young Men/Young Women activity in preparation for the upcoming Trek in Wyoming.  Our Stake president Mark Holmstead talked to the youth about walking to the temple and then asked them for a personal favor.   He asked the youth of our stake to walk for dad and remember him in their prayers.  

I am grateful and calmed in the presence of our wonderful Stake President who serves with my dad.   Our family so appreciates his love, support and prayers on Dad's behalf.

...have to include a few pictures in this post too.

We had Mom and Dad over last night and as usual my children flocked around both of them.  I could tell Dad didn't feel well after dinner (hopefully not because of my cooking) because he excused himself from the table to rest on the couch. 

 I wouldn't be me if I didn't snap a few pictures of my parents and the kids.

The pictures started out great but quickly went downhill.

 With Dad laying down, Saylor and Colby started commenting on his ear and nose hair.  (At eye level, I suppose it was hard to miss)

Dad was happy to point out he wasn't alone in the hair department.

Yep, you have it too Say! 

All rouge hairs aside...this is one loved Grandpa!

We love you Dad and hope you feel better soon!

Hospital Shots From Last Week

When Dad was in the hospital in Twin last week, my youngest had a 2 month well check up.

The appointment was a few floors down from where my dad was staying.

Saylor, Grady and I went and saw Dad after Grady was weighed measured and immunized.

 We were happy to see Dad, but not as happy as he was to see us.

Dad was on the anti anxiety drug called Ativan...and oh-how-well it was working!

He was completely coherent, but super smiley and chipper.

He had a great time entertaining my daughter with the bed remote.

They raised and lowered that bed more times than I could count.

They then started playing with the blinds.

Finally they moved to the buttons on the side of the bed.  

Thankfully, Dad schooled Saylor to NOT touch the nurse button...we didn't need to bug those hardworking nurses.

The next pictures were texted to me by Mom and were taken in Boise after dad had his external port placed.

 That lovely bag isn't sporting apple juice.  (family joke)

 Ahh...this picture gave me peace.  

Dad with his journal is a comforting site.

Taba Taba Taba Shi...

This is Jill.  I'm Gary and Ardith's third child and second daughter.  I inherited my dad's love of journaling and tend to write inappropriate sarcastic things to deal with everyday life.  This trial will be no different.   I'm grateful JaNae and Jeff started this blog for the general use of our family during Dad's  cancer journy (aka crap fest).  Love you Dad!!

Dad requested that I repost a post I put on my personal blog on his blog:

My dad had a patient when I was growing up that suffered from a tourettes, had a stroke, or suffered from another syndrome that rendered him unable to say anything but something to the effect of..."Taba taba taba, shiiii..."

My dad spoke of this patient with a hushed reverence, if one of the funniest saddest things known to mankind could be reverent.   He would describe slightly one sided conversations with this man where my dad would spin tales of his last fishing or hunting trip and this poor soul would only answer in "Taba taba taba shiii..."

I have found in my adult life that my "only" true character flaw is my inability to contain swear words when I am extremely stressed.  I hate this about myself.  Sadly, it's something I work on fixing on a daily basis.   I grew up with the principle that swearing is a sign of a weak mind trying to express itself.  I'm weak minded...oh so weak.

This week has been one where the swear words have flowed like water.  My brother Jon with attest to this one.  It's been a week where I wish I had a syndrome that allowed me to spew my lovely obscenities without guilt or social awkwardness.

My dad was diagnosed this week  with invasive pancreatic ductal carcinoma.

Taba Taba Taba shiii...

Dad hasn't been feeling well for a few months.   The past few weeks he started suffering from increased fatigue, lack of appetite and general itchiness....yes itchiness.  He went to the doctor Tuesday night and had blood drawn.  Wednesday he was admitted to the hospital here in Twin because his liver enzymes were extremely high...and he had started turning yellow.  The itchiness was a side effect of increased billiruben levels in his blood.

Laproscopic surgery confirmed that a bile duct was indeed plugged, but unfortunately the surgeon was unable to open it.  Biopsy's were taken of the abnormal tissue blocking the duct and on Friday morning our fears were confirmed.  The tissue was malignant.  Dad had surgery Friday in Boise where doctors installed an external port through his liver to drain the bile that had been backing up for who knows how long because of the clogged duct.

...he lost 12 lbs from the drainage.  Um. Yeah.  Poor guy was miserable!  

In three to four weeks Dad will have a very complicated surgery called a Whipple procedure that will remove the cancerous duct along with part of his stomach, pancreas, and small intestine.  His healthy bile duct will then rerouted to his small intestine again.  This surgery is dangerous and wrought with possible side effects.  It is also has an extremely painful recovery because of its invasive nature.  After he recovers from the Whipple, he will have to endure chemotherapy and radiation.

 I'm scared, nervous and at times I feel so out of control.  (Hence the swearing)  

I found the best coping mechanism for me (beside the potty mouth) is not letting my mind think about it.   Thinking means accepting and accepting means trouble, crying and four letter word dropping.

Friday I let myself cry.   I  cried until my eyes were puffy, swollen and itchy.  I cried because I know what a pancreatic cancer means.  It's aggressive, unforgiving, and mean.  If a tumor like this metastasizes, it does so with a vengeance.    Steve while comforting me stated, "Jill, he's not gone yet!"  As insensitive as this may seem, (I'll be honest, I wanted to punch him) I know he didn't mean it insensitively.  Steve deals with things better than me.  He always sees the bright side.  He is the perpetual optimist.  He encouraged me to to not worry until I have to.   And he is right.

The bright side is that luckily, my dad's cancer was undetectable on MRI  and CT scan.   It's still very small.  When he has surgery to remove the tumor, the doctors will test to see if it has spread to the surrounding lymph nodes.  If those come back clean, his prognosis is good.  If they are not...well how about I just don't go there.

However, all optimism aside, this diagnosis comes just a year after my sister's colon cancer diagnosis.  She in her treatment has been to a fiery place I can't imagine.  Now, we must watch as my dad experiences the same hell.   Words can't describe.

I don't write a lot about spiritual things or feelings.  I struggle putting into words how I feel about things I find sacred. (Titling this post with a swear word inhibits my validity anyway)   But all coping with inappropriateness  put on the back burner,  I am so grateful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father.   I have faith that He is in control.  This faith is what is keeping me from crumbling.  I'm clinging to it with all my might.   I know that whatever happens with my dad and family is His will.  I know that trials are necessary to refine us.  They show what we are made of.   We will be refined and made stronger better when we persevere and survive.  We will be blessed if we choose to use our trials and sufferings as a way to show our obedience.   Will we collapse under the weight or hold strong and triumph no matter the burden?  I want to hold strong.

But it's hard to be strong all the time.  When I haven't been keeping myself occupied in the past few days is when my mind starts to wander and think.  I think about the worse case scenario...losing my dad.   It's unimaginable.  My dad is a pillar of greatness in my life.   He's a rock of stability, the voice of reason, the Common Sense King.   I'm positive my siblings will agree with me in saying that our dad is hands down the best.  No contest.  A world without him is world I wouldn't quite know how to understand.

So...tonight as I write my feelings down sloppily while trying not to get car sick as our family drives back from Utah, I hope my Dad knows how much I love him.  I hope he knows how much he will be in my prayers.  I hope he knows how much I wish I could fix this trial or take it away from him.  I also hope he knows how much I admire him for handling the last few days with such grace and humility.  I love you Dad.

...and I'm sorry I swore on my blog.  It's par for the course this week.

Kicking cancer in the pancreas

This is the blog to document Gary's  cancer journey and share information with friends and family.
I was asked to get this blog started so here goes.

I'm Jeff, Gary's son in law.  My wife, JaNae,  has been dealing with her own cancer journey having been diagnosed with colorectal cancer just over a year ago.  I have been teasing her about marrying into a genetic cesspool of cancer but she just rolls her eyes at me.

We pondered over blog names and started laughing at some of them.   We thought of "Cancer is a pain in the pancreASS", "Beating PAINcreatic cancer", and many others but "Kicking Cancer in the Pancreas" seemed the most appropriate.

About 10 months ago, when JaNae was just starting chemo, her Dad had some symptoms that were concerning but at that time, no cancer was found.  Gary began not feeling well over the past week or two and suddenly became jaundiced.  He was hospitalized and had some tests which showed biliary obstruction and during a procedure to relieve it, a biposy was taken which showed the cancer, invasive adenocarcinoma of the  pancreatic duct.  He had a CT and MRI which did not show any spread of the cancer.  He will be preparing  to have a Whipple procedure in a few weeks which is a major surgery.  We have been told he should expect be in the hospital for 10 days. He was informed that he will likely need chemo and maybe radiation.  We are now starting another cancer journey with someone we love and admire very much.   We were so relieved then that he seemed to be OK, now the diagnosis has been made, our hearts are heavy.

We will use this blog as a family with several authors (who are family members) to share information, memories, and to have a good laugh.  Through JaNae's treatment, we have found that blogging has been very therapeutic and we plan to carry on the tradition.

-Jeff and JaNae